Start to my Second Chapter?

I don't know where to start. Every neuron in my brain is bouncing around inside my head. So here is the rundown on my situation. 

I'm married-not happily and seeking divorce

I am in love with someone else- He lives 1200 miles away from me. 

In three weeks I am flying down to see him- I am scared out of my shorts

I have always been one to follow my heart- to hell with what my head says

A couple months of go I met a guy. An absolutely awesome guy, who with a simple hello can make my knees weak. Financially both of us are not in the ideal situation that we would like to be in at the moment, but hopefully I can remedy that soon.

However, have you ever had that feeling that no matter how close you can get to someone and how much you can love someone your still not going to be good enough? Yeah, that would be one of the biggest things going through my head. He says he loves me and as much as I believe him because he has never given me a reason to doubt him, I still am terrified that I won't be good enough. I know it is probably all the crap from my past talking me and taunting me with the negative thoughts, but still. *frustrated sigh*

I was mentally abused by my "sperm donor" for most of my life and then went on to endure physical abuse at the hands on one of my ex's for almost 4 years. Needless to say I have had a number done on me. Yet I am stronger than I have ever been... that is until it comes to men. 

I used to live in Florida (where said love from above lives) I moved back to the Midwest when my ex and I broke up.  Met husband and entered into what has been an unhappy past 4 years (first 2 years weren't bad). Part of me told myself to stay down in Florida and make a life for myself down there, but my family was here. I moved back to be with them. I often question myself now after meeting my love if I had stayed in Florida would things be different? Would him and I have met earlier, how would things have developed between us if I was there instead of here. 

Well 3 hours ago I was told by the man I married that he was bringing me home something to eat.. I am still waiting. So F him I am going to go forage for something sustainable to put on my forever complaining stomach, and continue to try and navigate through this Life Unpredictable

*~R~*