Boulders Crashing Into The Sea

I am extremely overtired, I am sick to my stomach, I just want to crawl under a rock and die, or hurl my self over a cliff onto the rocks below.

This morning my world as I know it almost came crashing down around me, making my dream almost seem unattainable.

In less than a month I am hoping to be on a plane and headed south to look for a job and a place to live. To start my life with the love of my life.

Some times it feels as though I am in a dark cave digging at the walls, my fingers bleeding, til I break through with a small sliver of light, and as I push through to make a bigger hole a sudden avalanch starts and the small hole that I just dug out is now filled again and there is nothing I can do but sit and let the tears fall.

It is mornings like the one I had today that I wish he was within reach to just wrap his arms around me and tell me everything is going to be ok. To just press into him and let the tears fall.