In the last 3 days I have maybe had a total of 7 hours of sleep. I don't have any strength. I don't have any energy. I have been throwing up, my ulcer is killing me, and it is times like this I ask myself if I will ever be good enough for anyone.
The lack of sleep has caused me to become some what inquizitive on if I am good enough. I think about it and I am struggling for money, my car is iffy about running, I have MAJOR health concerns. Why would anyone want to be with the mess that is me.
I know he is stressed and there is nothing that I can do to seem to un-stress him. I cry he doesn't know it mainly because I don't do it while he is around and if I do I try to hid it. I love this man and I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I fear I will never be able to make him completely happy.
Why am I so unsure of myself now. I have never been this way, but he is different. He is a lot different. He means more to me than anyone ever has. Which is why I hate feeling as if I am failing him on some level. I guess I just don't know what to do. Maybe a run on the treadmill or some time to just think. However, whenever I get to thinking I get to over analyzing and over thinking. I guess it is one moment at a time.
I just wish he would talk to me. I am his partner in this all. His silence is what makes me think I am the problem.
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