24 Hours of Silence

So in less than 12 hours I will be starting 24 hours of silence between me and the love of my life. We have decided to start it tonight because he will be sleeping tonight  due to having to work all day tomorrow, and I will be sitting down and hashing things out regarding the divorce with my soon to be ex. So we figured that it was as good a time as any to do this exercise my therapist wants me to do. We will be able to talk Saturday night and then we will be able to tell each other about our days and get any frustrations out. It is going to be very hard for me to go 24 hours without talking to him or texting him and I am sure that I will have a few pictures of little one to send to him by the time we can break the 24 hour vow of silence.  One of the reasons my therapist wants me to do this with a few of the important people in my life is because he wants to see how dependant I am on everyone else. I feel that I am a very independent person, but he says it isn’t in the physical aspect of dependency. He says it is a mental and emotional dependency, and for that he wants to know if my level of dependency in that aspect is healthy. He believes it is, but he says this will consciously prove other things. Then he started talking all psychological like and well sometimes I have a tendency to zone out and hear nothing but what sounds like the teacher in the Snoopy cartoons.

I was also told by my therapist to write letters to a few people that I love and tell them how I feel about them, where I think I am excelling in the relationship, and where I am failing in the relationship, and then to get feedback from them on what I have written. He is telling me that by doing these two exercises it is going to strengthen my relationships and make me more aware of things around me. We shall see.

After a long night of ups and downs with the little one I am doing nothing but dragging tail today and there is a crap load of things that I want to do, or should say I need to do. I need to schedule another therapy session and I need to make doctor’s appointments. I need to make some payment arrangements for bills and I need to get more done on the divorce decree.  When all I really want to do today is to crawl into bed and sleep. I would be so much better if my love was here because then I would have someone I could snuggle up to.  If it wasn’t for the heat I would put little one in her stroller and I would take a nice long walk and start to get going on the weight loss and trying to get myself healthier, but with temps in the high 90’s and heat index with almost 100 percent humidity in the low 100’s to 110’s I have opted to stay indoors. So little one and I have been playing some music and dancing and rocking out.

I guess the way that I need to look at my therapy sessions is a voyage of self discovery and self preservation. To look deep into my past and confront the demons that I have long ago suppressed and hoped never to see again, and by confronting the things in my past I can get through it and move on and be for the better. I am just concerned that the things in my past are going to open a whole new can of worms and influence and possibly ruin the relationships I have now. I am all for this if it is going to help me and get rid of the bad dreams, and everything else from my past that seems to not let go, but I don’t want to have my current relationships suffer for it.