Feeling Lost

I have finally put a feeling to this sense of being lost. It feels as though I am having an out of body experience. I am going through the motions that I have to every day of caring for my child. I make sure she is bathed, fed, changed, happy, and cared for.She sleeps and I cry. I clean, organize, realize I have nothing more to clean and organize so I do it all over again. I toss and turn because sleep is downright impossible. I try to read, I try to do things to keep my mind and hands occupied then my mind wont over think, it wont sit there and realize how miserable it really is.
Yes my family is here but no one really cares. All my friends or should I say so called friends deserted me the min Ashlynne was born.
I am losing my hair, I have no appetite. I force myself to eat and just end up picking at my food and most of the time just putting it back in the fridge to try again the next meal time.
My job search is not going well and I am sitting with $.55 in my bank account. On the positive side at least it is a positive balance.
I hate the fact that my family has to be so far apart, but even when we are together not everything seems to be in sync. Like we are a little off kilter and I am not sure exactly where that feeling is coming from. Maybe I am just to damn needy.
I have a guy that is way to good to me and sometimes I don't think that I even deserve it. All though every fiber of my being wants to give him the sun, the moon, and the stars. I never want him to hurt again. I never want him to be disappointed (which I think I am doing more so than not) I just want him to be forever happy.
Well now that all the thoughts that I had in my head have become a jumbled mess once again I will try and sort them out and make sense of them in another blog sometime.