Dreams go away

It seems only fitting that tonight I would have the bad dreams again. Like the song Rain Rain Go Away, neither the rain nor the dreams have ceased.

The dream was worse than ones I have had before. I lost her, and then I lost him. My heart broke into a million pieces. I would grab for him yet he was just beyond my reach. He told me I had let him down and there was no way he could love someone that wouldn't be able to give him what he wanted. I stood there and just cried. I wasn't sure how much of the tears were mine or how much of it was the downpour of rain that seemed to start the second he said he didn't love me and that he never had.

How could someone who said that I was their world just walk away. I know it is a dream and it shouldn't mean a thing but then if it doesn't mean a thing why does it bother me much, but I guess a better question to ask would be why do I let it bother me so much? I guess because I have never felt this way about anyone and that includes the man I married, and the two other serious relationships that I was in. None of them compare to the emotion that I have invested in this man.

I saw a post on Facebook the other day that was talking about love. It said something along the lines of " Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to" I have set my heart in his hands and pray every day that he does not shatter it.

I know that he has a past and I know that walls have been put up after you have been hurt. I know because I have put these walls up to.

He said something in his sleep and when I heard it, I was caught off guard but then when I realized what he said I started to cry. It wasn't my name that he had said, but someone else and that he missed her. It cut deep into my heart like a knife. I know it was sleep induced and that I need not delve to deep into it. For the first time ever, I couldn't look him in the eye. I knew if I did the tears would just start over again.

He made it better by holding me in his arms and telling me that our daughter and I are the only ones that matter to him.

One of these days hopefully, the dream will stop. Hopefully.