Tonight is my last night here and then I have to return to the bitter coldness of the north. Tomorrow the doctors will tell me what my next step is.
So tonight as I sit and let the tears fall while listening to his song, I am not crying because of sadness. I am crying out of love. Confused, let me see if I can explain.
I cry out of love because I am not going to be able to turn over every morning and open my eyes to see him there. I will not receive a good morning kiss on the forehead. I will not have him by my side as lab results are read and test diagnostics done. I am crying because when night falls and I am left with my thoughts I know that he too will be looking to the stars and thinking the same thing... be safe my love, and come back to me.
I am crying out of love for someone who even though they don't think they are, are one of the most magnificent people I have ever met. I can not help but have a smile on my face just thinking about a screwy joke he would crack, or a dorky comment that he would make. Why? Because it is what made me fall in love with him in the first place.
He has never judged me, he has never looked at my imperfections, he has never taken me for what I am not. He has accepted me, myself and I for everything that I am. Sickness and in health.
I am not a Victoria Secret model, I don't have a fancy car, I don't have millions of dollars, I am not the smartest person in the world. I am a person who makes mistakes, I am a person who finds it hard to admit that they are wrong, but who will do it any way, I am a person who looks at herself in the mirror and sees her imperfections.
I am a person with a heart of gold, that would save every abandoned animal, and adopt every orphaned child, who would pay for every poor persons food, shelter, and medical care if she had all the money in the world. I am a person that wishes for a better tomorrow for my child, who hopes that war and hatred would stop, who cries for no apparent reason than other to just cry.
I may not be society's idea of normal, nor do I want to be. I want to be me, and individual who won't be the perfect parent, but who will be the best parent that she can be. I won't be the greatest girlfriend of all time, but will try my hardest to be his equal and support him when he needs it, I am not the worlds best daughter, but when push comes to shove would drop everything to be by my mother's side in times of hardship.
I am judgemental at times, I am stubborn, I am quick to assume, I may falter and be unsteady, but that is just part of life. I don't know if I will ever leave a lasting mark on all mankind and make it into history books, but I do know that the one thing I wish to attain in life, is that when my times comes and I am to depart is that someone out there remembers me for me, and stops to say to someone "I really wish you could have met her, she was an amazing person and she was part of my life and for that I will forever be thankful."
If I can achieve that then I as a person have achieved success
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