Acceptance and Change

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

In life you have to realize there are some things that will not change and just accept them. I have come to that conclusion on a few things in the last few days. I like myself most days. I don't think I am a bad person, I am just a person bad things happen to. More frequent that other people it seems.
There are things that I want to change about myself and I need to sit down and truly figure out what it is within myself weather it be physically, mentally or emotionally that I need to change and damn well do it.
I am not happy and haven't been and I need to start being happy again. I am getting short with my child because I can't seem to handle this thing called life.  I seem to be always wanting more and I know that you can't force more out of someone if they don't want you too. I guess it is the hopeless romantic in me that thinks that if I just push a little bit more or try a little harder maybe just maybe something will give. Then I realize that if I push to hard, I will end up pushing away and completely ruining it all.
Every day I look in the mirror and all I see is every little scar, little imperfection, every flaw, everything that is wrong with me.
It is hard for me to let go of the past of others, I don't know why. I know they say that the past is in the past and that is where it should stay, so why can't I make it stay that way. It seems my own past on the the other hand is easily blocked and forgotten like yesterdays garbage. How is it that I can do that to my past but not to others?
For the first time I have felt he betrayed me and lied to me. I was upset. I wouldn't say mad but I would say upset. I was so upset I was just sitting on the floor up against the couch shaking and crying. Am I going to be be betrayed again? If it is over something like this how much worse can it get?
Sometimes it seems that our relationship is to easy and I am just waiting for the implosion that seems to follow me where ever I go.
My health has taken another turn, a turn that I have not yet told him about. Mainly because I am not sure how he will react. I have put my move on hold until I can have some answers, because that will tell me if the move is actually going to happen.
Between my health and everything running through my mind- am I good enough, will it work, can I do this again, am I failing my daughter, am I failing my boyfriend, am I just failing in general,- as to why I probably do not sleep as well as I should.